I see you as a warrior.

Several years ago, I felt it necessary to distance myself from several family members after a counselor met with us several times together, looked at me and said, “This person will never love you the way you need and deserve to be loved. Distance will help you forgive and heal.” Setting up boundaries was vital for my healing and for the peace of my home, as the only living parent of 4 kids at the time. So, I did not allow contact any longer. Some of the other members of the family reacted and distanced themselves from me as well. I did not see that coming, but, I respected their decision. It hurt, but, I knew for my well-being, I could not have made a different decision.

One night the Christmas before last, I was made aware there was a family Christmas get together I was not invited to. And the grief started up again. I remember sitting at my kitchen table with my kids decorating gingerbread houses while my heart just broke. I watched them laugh and tease each other, not knowing they were being left out and it was not by their own choosing. So, I told them there was a family get together. I did not have any details. In fact, a friend had accidentally told me, assuming I had been invited. I did not know who was there, just that someone was in town and they were celebrating Christmas together. I told my kids and I asked them if it hurt them like it did me. I allowed myself to cry and I told my kids that my heart was hurting and that I was sorry my decision to distance us effected them. I asked them if they were ever mad at me for making the boundary.

And what they said absolutely blew me away.

My daughter looked at me and said, “I’ve never been mad at you for setting the distance, Momma. I think you are so brave for protecting us and yourself, even though people have judged you for it.” And my other daughter looked at me and said, “I see you as a warrior, Mom. You are so brave and strong for us.”

You see, the decisions you make to heal yourself are healing your kids, too. Because I was at peace and able to forgive and heal, my kids were not touched by resentment and turmoil in me. They were not hurt by the bitterness against me in some members of my family. I fought so they do not have to. I shielded them from pain, confusion, generational curses. I knew that on the nights I wept, just wanting those members of my family back. I felt it on the day I made that painstaking decision. I knew God would be faithful to heal me and fill the voids, I just didn’t know my kids would see my sacrifice as a blessing to them. I didn’t know they saw the courage it took to step away and watch God heal the grief and bring other family in to our lives.

But, they did.

And He did.

Take the steps you need to heal. Do it for you. Do it for your kids. Do it for your grandkids.

Fight so they don’t have to.